My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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