It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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