My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can you bring me the toilet please
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
