Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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