i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize