I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
