I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want nice things and good sex
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
