Jerry, you need to find god
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
