Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
