So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
