Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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