Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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