I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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