worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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