I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
time to smoke my breakfast
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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