Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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