Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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