love makes seman taste better
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize