Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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