I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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