You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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