I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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