I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
