I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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