Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
