ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
someone owes me an orgasm
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
