Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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