my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sober January is a disaster.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
