that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
