I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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