Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
