Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
