is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
