I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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