used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
