you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
