just come out here and I will go home with you...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
