After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
