no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
