a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
