I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
smell my finger.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
