capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
