I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
