She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
