I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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