He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize