tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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