Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
