I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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