kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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