dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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