and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
