i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
