im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
