im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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