I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can text with my tongue
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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