I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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