She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
