it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
