well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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