Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
