Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
