rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize