You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
