I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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