I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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